:(

I've pretty much lost all hope of a positive beta. I'm still only getting the faintest of lines. I'm afraid I might be seeing something that's not even there anymore. Still no positive on the digitals. No surprise there. One of my surro friends said that with her first surrobabe, her beta was 11, and she didn't get a BFP until 11dp5dt. Pretty much everybody else agrees that it's over, though.

I spoke with Miranda (the owner of my agency/friend) about what I should do about talking to the guys. They hadn't asked about any testing. She had, though, so I told her that it wasn't going well. She advised that I should probably wait until the beta results, since they hadn't asked about testing. I wasn't sure. I didn't want to crush their hopes, but I wasn't sure if they would rather be prepared for the worst. They're never prepared for the worst.

Adam wrote to me this morning telling me how excited they are for the beta tomorrow, and asked how I was feeling. I just said that my fingers were crossed for a nice strong number. Which is true, though I have pretty much given up hope.

Tomorrow was supposed to be the day when I gave them their baby, not when they learned that they lost their second and last chance. I know in my head that it isn't my fault, but I can't help but feel like I've wasted their babies.