I forgot to post after the monitoring appointments, so I'll just group them into today. They all went well, everything is right on track. Blood work looks good, lining looks good. Hooray! The transfer is on for the 4th, one week from today. I have a ride for me, and a ride for DD to get to the bus. I'm not looking forward to the transfer itself. I HATE the full bladder, and last time it hurt so, so badly when she was pressing on it so hard. But, I'm excited that we get another chance, that I don't have to go out with such a fizzle.
I'm also terrified. I'm terrified that it won't work, and that I will be blamed. Nobody will blame me out loud, I know, but I also know we'll all blame me in our hearts. My guys don't have the money for another ED cycle. Even if they could afford another ED cycle, I'm sure they couldn't afford another IVF cycle, especially not after all of the other stuff they've had to pay for. My insurance covered most of the D&C bills (both times), and most of the blood work in between. But, it won't cover any of the fertility stuff. So, none of the HSGs, not the saline sonogram, the monitoring, nothing. And even with covering most of the second D&C, it still cost them over $1000 when all the bills were in.
I really want my guys to have their baby. They're wonderful people and wonderful parents. I really want them to have this. And, on a selfish note, if it doesn't work, I'm done. And it will be after two transfers, a miscarriage, a failed transfer, 2 D&Cs, 3 HSGs, 1 saline sonogram, a countless blood draws and sonograms. Nobody will want me, and I will have been through all of that (and putting my life on hold for the last 1.5 years) for nothing. My stomach is in knots.
I'm also terrified. I'm terrified that it won't work, and that I will be blamed. Nobody will blame me out loud, I know, but I also know we'll all blame me in our hearts. My guys don't have the money for another ED cycle. Even if they could afford another ED cycle, I'm sure they couldn't afford another IVF cycle, especially not after all of the other stuff they've had to pay for. My insurance covered most of the D&C bills (both times), and most of the blood work in between. But, it won't cover any of the fertility stuff. So, none of the HSGs, not the saline sonogram, the monitoring, nothing. And even with covering most of the second D&C, it still cost them over $1000 when all the bills were in.
I really want my guys to have their baby. They're wonderful people and wonderful parents. I really want them to have this. And, on a selfish note, if it doesn't work, I'm done. And it will be after two transfers, a miscarriage, a failed transfer, 2 D&Cs, 3 HSGs, 1 saline sonogram, a countless blood draws and sonograms. Nobody will want me, and I will have been through all of that (and putting my life on hold for the last 1.5 years) for nothing. My stomach is in knots.
