You may wonder what kinds of things are taking into consideration when matching a surrogate and IPs. There are a lot of things, but some are flexible, while others aren't. For example, I said I would prefer a gay couple, since that's who I had wanted to help in the first place, but it wasn't a deal breaker. I also preferred somebody relatively close to me, so they could share the pregnancy more easily. But again, I would have worked with somebody further away.
Some things, though, are absolutely imperative to agree on. The big ones are abortion and selective reduction.
Selective reduction usually happens when you get pregnant with high order multiples. It's more and more common to just transfer one embryo at a time, but that's not always the case, and it definitely wasn't the case when I did my last two surrogacies. We transferred two both times. The first time, I got pregnant with one. The second time, both stuck, and one actually split. So, there were three. We ended up losing the identical twins in the first trimester, but we would have reduced if we hadn't. Every baby over one adds risk to both the woman carrying them and to the babies themselves. Twins are usually fine, but higher gets trickier. Granted, there are many cases where three or more are just fine, but they often have to spend time in the NICU and have lasting problems. Three babies are also a lot more expensive, at a time when the parents may have just spend upwards of $100,000 just getting to that point.
As an addendum to the selective reduction issue, it is important to agree on how many embryos you are willing to transfer. I personally believe you should only transfer as many as you're willing to have. But, it can depends on embryo quality. I know people who have transferred two and ended up with three (me), and I've even heard of a lady who transferred one and ended up with identical triplets! I also know of people who have transferred five and only ended up with one. So, you really have to rely on the RE to be a responsible doctor and give good advice on how many to transfer.
Abortion would generally occur if the life of the surrogate is in danger or if the baby has birth defects of varying severity. The severity is something that needs to be thought out before, or you could have a situation where the parents feel that termination would be the best way, while the surrogate doesn't, as in a recent story. Or, on the other end, if the parents don't believe in abortion and the surrogate does, and the baby dies in utero, the surrogate could be forced to carry a dead baby.
Another note - the surrogate's body is her own. Nobody can force her to have an abortion or reduction, even if she has signed a contract that says that she will. She can also go have an abortion on her own if she decides to. I do not condone either of these actions, but they have been known to happen. That's why it is so very important to really agree on these things, and not just to sign the paper thinking "that will never happen to me." It does happen, and it could very well be to you. Think long and hard. The triplet thing was one of the most difficult things I've ever gone through. I am wholeheartedly pro-choice, but when it came to actually having a reduction, I had a breakdown. I believed it was a choice for other people, but I never wanted to be the one that had to go through it.
You can believe that my application was very detailed on those issues.
Some things, though, are absolutely imperative to agree on. The big ones are abortion and selective reduction.
Selective reduction usually happens when you get pregnant with high order multiples. It's more and more common to just transfer one embryo at a time, but that's not always the case, and it definitely wasn't the case when I did my last two surrogacies. We transferred two both times. The first time, I got pregnant with one. The second time, both stuck, and one actually split. So, there were three. We ended up losing the identical twins in the first trimester, but we would have reduced if we hadn't. Every baby over one adds risk to both the woman carrying them and to the babies themselves. Twins are usually fine, but higher gets trickier. Granted, there are many cases where three or more are just fine, but they often have to spend time in the NICU and have lasting problems. Three babies are also a lot more expensive, at a time when the parents may have just spend upwards of $100,000 just getting to that point.
As an addendum to the selective reduction issue, it is important to agree on how many embryos you are willing to transfer. I personally believe you should only transfer as many as you're willing to have. But, it can depends on embryo quality. I know people who have transferred two and ended up with three (me), and I've even heard of a lady who transferred one and ended up with identical triplets! I also know of people who have transferred five and only ended up with one. So, you really have to rely on the RE to be a responsible doctor and give good advice on how many to transfer.
Abortion would generally occur if the life of the surrogate is in danger or if the baby has birth defects of varying severity. The severity is something that needs to be thought out before, or you could have a situation where the parents feel that termination would be the best way, while the surrogate doesn't, as in a recent story. Or, on the other end, if the parents don't believe in abortion and the surrogate does, and the baby dies in utero, the surrogate could be forced to carry a dead baby.
Another note - the surrogate's body is her own. Nobody can force her to have an abortion or reduction, even if she has signed a contract that says that she will. She can also go have an abortion on her own if she decides to. I do not condone either of these actions, but they have been known to happen. That's why it is so very important to really agree on these things, and not just to sign the paper thinking "that will never happen to me." It does happen, and it could very well be to you. Think long and hard. The triplet thing was one of the most difficult things I've ever gone through. I am wholeheartedly pro-choice, but when it came to actually having a reduction, I had a breakdown. I believed it was a choice for other people, but I never wanted to be the one that had to go through it.
You can believe that my application was very detailed on those issues.
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